Being Numb
by Desdemona Kakalose
Summary: He'd always known that Real Science was bad. He just hadn't realized exactly how horrible it could be. Or what it could do to him. -oneshot. OLD


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"**Numb**"

enter the membrain house: circa 30 months since zim's arival (2 and a half years since)

Sitting on the couch, television muted, was the formerly "insane" Dib membrane. playing quietly in the background was a song from the classical rock section of his online store. He looked tired, sitting there as the sickly glow illuminated his face. Worn out. Lost. Dead inside.  
_  
I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface_

For the last four or so months he'd been working in his father's lab. It started as he was chasing down Zim, armed with a camera and a really sharp stick. He'd only just cornered the invader in an alley, about to snap the ultimate picture, when he heard footsteps behind him.

_Don't know what you're expecting of me  
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)  
_

Behind our hero was a thoroughly disappointed prof. membrane with an aura of disgust almost palpable. Dib looked at his father, and back at Zim, and he realized something: no matter how many snaps he got, the world would never admit that it was mistaken.

_Every step that I take is another mistake to you  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)_

People were too dependent on the inanity and routine of daily life to ever admit _anything_ that would upset them, threaten their way of life. Like global warming 40 years earlier, no one would bother to do anything until the world as they knew it was on the very _brink_ of collapse.

_  
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there  
I've become so tired- so much more aware_

And his father was living proof. Why fight this senseless battle? Why not join your father? You've always wanted to make him proud, now you have a chance at that! And it's not like Zim was really much of a threat. he didn't even seem to _try_ anymore. Leave this fight, it's only hurting the closest thing you have to a friend.

The closest thing you have to a friend…. And that settled it, he handed the camera to Zim and whispered "you're free" then turned and left the alley without a backward glance.

_  
I'm becoming _this-_ all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you  
_

But in the following months, the more he tried to work with Real Science, the more horrified he became. He learned far too much about the 'medical experiments' being conducted "for the sake of science".

And about why his fellow citizens are so oblivious, stupid, shallow, **easily** _**controlled**._ His father revolted him more and more with every passing day.

_  
Can't you see that you're smothering me?  
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control_

And the more he tried to back out quietly, the more forceful and overbearing his father became. It was scary to _anyone's_ way of thinking.

Like a fish on a hook, every desperate ploy and pull to distance himself and escape was returned with a sharp reel, bringing him only closer to his fate.

_  
Cause everything that you thought I would be  
Has fallen apart right in front of you_

Membrane had already 'lost' his son once, and he refused to let insanity claim his family again. Never again- he'd lost his wife; he would not lose his son.

_  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)  
And every second I waste is more than I can take_

And every second Dib spent in that _hell_ of glassy lies and chemical wine sucked the hope out of him. How can you fight injustice, when the victims are begging for more?

He stood up, the lights were out, but the television was bright enough to see even though it was long since night. The song hit it's chorus. A key turned in the door.

_I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
Become so tired- so much more aware_

The door opened, a gloved hand reached in to fix the bolt. Prof. membrane had entered the building.

"Son" he began, closing and relocking the door, "you left your post without permission today. What could possibly be more important than the fate of your country in _our_ work?"

"Plenty of things" he said with a slight snarl.

_**this**__ all I want to do  
is be more like me and be less like you_

"What did you say?" asked the incredulous professor.

"I said 'plenty of things', aren't you going to ask what kind of things?" but without allowing room for an answer he went on "things like my friends and morals and dreams! Jesus dad, I don't **want** to be you, I wouldn't be _you_ for a billion dollars!" _(a/n: inflation of currency)_

He turned to the couch and picked up a bag "the things you do in that lab? I don't want anything to do with it! I want my own goals, my own dreams, my own LIFE"

"_And I know, I may end up failing too" _he added quietly, heading for the door_  
_the former paranormalist passed by his father, turned his head as he reached the outside and added_ "But I know... You were just like **me** with someone disappointed in **you**"  
_

_I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
Become so tired so much more aware_

the scientist collapsed on the rug "Ellen…" he whispered

_  
I'm becoming **this** all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you_

"Where will you go?" he shouted after his son

"I have a friend who owes me a favor"  
_  
I've become so numb  
I'm tired of being what you want me to be_

But he stopped under a lamppost, the amber light almost haloing his form.

"If you wouldn't mind, tell Gaz something. Tell her that _nothing's_ worth being numb" knowing fully well that the infamous prof. membrane would do no such thing.

_I've become so numb  
I'm tired of being what you want me to be_

'That's okay' he thought 'I'll tell her myself, as soon as I clear this up with Zim'

Prf. membrain ran over to the door. And from the scary purple house came his last words meant for Dib:

"You are dead to me! Do you hear that? Dead!"

And Dib smiled, 'I've been worse'

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**this is an idea i've had for months, and the other morning i finally wrote it! I was waiting for delano to come back from camp so she could beta read it for me, when i said "screw this, i'll just fix it tomarrow"**

** now it's fixed, yay! tell me if you think it needs a part two! del says 'yes to sequal' but i dunno...**


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